WOMAN: THE HEART OF THE FAMILY A TALK DELIVERED BY REV. FR. DANIEL EVBOTOKHAI ON THE OCCASION OF THE ANNUAL AUCHI DIOCESAN CATHOLIC WOMEN ORGANIZATION SEMINAR AT ST. JOHN THE APOSTLE CATHOLIC CHURCH, IGARRA (12/11/2022).
INTRODUCTION
Customarily, women gain their greatest joy and sense of accomplishment from being wives and mothers to their family. There is no title as sweet as “Mummy” or “Mama”. You may be a nurse, doctor, engineer, or even a Ph.D holder but above these it feels so sweet to hear the name mummy either by your biological children or not. Women have always appreciated their mandate from God without contest and with all submissiveness. In recent years, this vitality has been weakened by feminist movement. We now have women who are downloading raw feminist ideas into their domestic homes thereby toiling with the eternal protocol ordained by God. No doubt certain patriarchal excesses must be biblically, morally and culturally evaluated but not at the detriment of purpose.
It will interest you to know that this is not just happening in the society but also in the Church thereby paving ways for unhealthy rivalry, hatred, malice, envy, confusion, and rebels. In the creation account of Genesis, God’s first word on the subject of men and women is that they were equally created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). In Genesis 2, there is a more detailed account of the creation of the two equal human beings that reveals differences in their God-given functions and responsibilities. This paper is not set out to address feminism that is contentious in most scientific papers; but it desires to reflect on women or if you like the Catholic woman as the heart of the family. However, a topic like this only suffices that we perch considerably on certain women trends.
Marriage as a Vocation
For the Church, vocation is seen from various dimensions: married life, single life, religious life, and ordained life. Amongst these, marriage is often less emphasized as a vocation. Pope Francis writes: Marriage is a vocation, in as much as it is a response to a specific call to experience conjugal love as an imperfect sign of the love between Christ and the Church. Consequently, the decision to marry and to have a family ought to be the fruit of a process of vocational discernment (Amoris Laetitia n.72). Two things we must bear in mind here are; firstly, Conjugal love is an imperfect sign of the love between Christ and the Church. However, this love is perfected when man strives to meet Christ eternally. Secondly, the decision to marry ought to be the fruit of a vocational discernment. It shouldn’t be made over a bottle of beer or a glass of palm wine.
It is important to mention that your vocation is not the same as your career or profession. Your marriage is not a career or a profession. That is why you cannot just switch out of marriage as if you are switching job opportunities. A profession is something that you have in order to support yourself and to contribute in some way to the good of the society. A profession has a horizontal dimension; while a vocation is vertical, it gives expression to the will of God. It is no longer ‘what I prefer’ but rather, ‘What is God’s will for me?”
Therefore, vocation entails the submission of your will to God. Every woman is called to submit her will to God in her husband, the same way a priest submits his will to God in his Bishop. You have no other assignment outside the will of God for you. It is in His will that you are fulfilled. There is no greater task than working with your husband to make your union work and raising children for God. God created Adam and Eve but has now ordained couple to continue this task of creation. You must be a helper to your husband. All other roles of the woman result from the effectiveness of being the helpmate God ordained. Mother Teresa once said “if you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” Of what relevance is your peculiar assignment in the Church when your God given vocation has gone on vacation?
Types of women
In living out our vocation as mothers certain trends has been observed which I will like us to examine here. According to a wedding report, available in www.pridesibiya.com (2018) there are basically ten types of women. they are:
- Party women
- These are women who are very mobile and very sociable
•They are always attending one function after the other (every wedding, bridal and shower, kitchen top up, office functions etc)
•Are rarely at home on weekends to have time with their husbands and children
•Can spend family money on gifts
- 2. Dictionary women
- These are women who don’t take suggestions: the way she thinks is the way it is
•The way she knows is the way it is – no changes
•Very orderly and become very angry when things are misplaced in their home setup
- Pampered women
- These are women who are spoilt by their parents (normally from rich parents or they are the only girl in the family of many boys)
•They are lazy mainly can’t do household work
•Love spending money shopping trivial Girlish things
•Sees their husband like a houseboy
- Office women
- These are women who are Career minded and their family does not matter to them.
•Are always using carrier as an excuse of not being at home for their family
•They don’t respect their husbands and make educated women look bad
•they think a husband is not important because they can support themselves
- Patient Women
- These are women who always look like they are sick and down trodden
•Love to complain on everything (husband, children, relatives, even weather and network)
•Are always afraid and live in anxiety
- Headmistress Women
- These are women who Make themselves in-charge of the family even when the husband is a sole provider of the home
•Treat everyone as a child including their husband and visitors.
•Are very questionable and will punish their husbands for any trivial things
- Boxing Women
- These are women who are very offensive and sometimes can be violent
•They like shouting and they are nagging
• believe in fire for fire
- Dust bin Women
- These are women who are very dirty and unkept
•Very unorganized and confused
•Very lazy at everything except gossiping
•Leave everything to their servants or their children
- Security Women
- These are women who are very protective of their husband
•Very jealous, every woman is seen as a threat
•Sees husbands friends as bad company
•Don’t let anyone discipline their child even a teacher
•Husband’s family, friends and workmates are scared of her
- Good Women
- These are women who are Virtuous wives.
•Caring, loving and very smart
•Very helpful, they can even handle husband’s business in his absence
•Provide spiritual guidance to the children
•Very understanding and have self-esteem
On the other hand Proverbs 31:10-31 calls a woman a wife of noble character
10 A capable wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from far away.
15 She rises while it is still night
and provides food for her household
and tasks for her servant-girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor,
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid for her household when it snows,
for all her household are clothed in crimson.
22 She makes herself coverings;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the city gates,
taking his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she supplies the merchant with sashes.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her happy;
her husband too, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her a share in the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the city gates.
THE HEART OF THE FAMILY
In the modern society, family life is under constant threat. The task of raising children now is so enormous that one should always implore the care of counselors and the help of God. The family life revolves round the woman, she is the heart of the family and so she should take delight in her duties. Pope John Paul II once said, “The family should be your place of encounter with God.” We need to acknowledge that this is true as mothers. Every day, we encounter God in our children’s smiles, tears, and our household chores. Our homes are our domestic Churches. We have to look for God there. We must learn to be content with the work we perform at home and realize that it is far more significant than anything we may accomplish outside of it. Catholic women are the vanguard of hope. Pope Benedict XVI noted that women in Africa make a great contribution to the family, to society and to the Church by their many talents and unique gifts. (Africae Munus n. 55). Therefore, let us not sacrifice this hope for other material pursuit. That been said; what basic lesson can we draw from the heart for family life?
The heart does not resemble the common love emoji in WhatsApp. The heart is actually asymmetrical and shaped like an unusually pointed oval that lies in your chest upside down. The absurd thing is that it actually works better that way; in order to produce the most powerful wave to power the rest of the body. Women as the heart of the family, things may seem upside-down, but that is how you function better. By your endurance gain your lives (Luke 21:19).
The heart is the centre of physical fitness; women as the heart of the family are expected to know and understand the physical and spiritual fitness of their family. They know when one is sick and another healthy. Even when they are far away most mothers are able to tell the condition of their spouse and children. This is so because of the level of bond they actually share.
As the heart of the family women are expected to nurture the lives entrusted to them. The heart is the wellspring of life; mothers are to invigorate and stimulate life in the family through sincere love, service, and joy.
Most of the organs in the body are dependent on the strength of the heart. If the heart is weak; the whole begin to shutdown. As the heart of the family, everyone, (husbands and children) depends largely on mothers. The attitude and character of the family are centered on ours. Are we content? Are we happy? How kind and gentle are we?
As the heart of the family, the woman simultaneously plays the roles of wife, partner, organizer, administrator, director, economist, mother, teacher, health officer, artist, and queen.
After the visitation by the angel Gabriel, Mary did not become arrogant and she did not alter her behavior. Instead, she lived a modest life. Despite our money, luxury, beauty, intelligence, position, unique abilities as the heart of the family mothers should be humble. The heart is an internal organ yet it sustains the body.
For three months, Mary assisted Elizabeth by living with her. The heart constantly pumps blood, women as the heart of the family should be diligent and must equally teach their children not to be slothful. They should be energetic and willing to assist the entire family and neighbours.
The heart does not only pumps blood to other part of the body, it also work in cooperation with others organs. Women should not just be busy but must learn to cooperate with their husbands and children to ensure a better family life. In Luke 2:41 Mary obeyed Joseph and followed him for Registration; in cooperation with him, she gave birth in a manger. Women should obey and cooperate with the little their husbands are able to provide.
At the wedding at Cana in Galilee Mary played and interceding role (John 2:1-5). Mothers should learn to be more interceding than interfering. When we intercede we rely on God but when we interfere we obstruct grace. As the heart of the family let us always relate with the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary for constant intercession and graces.
“Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.” (Gen.6:5). “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” (Jer. 17:9). These two verses reveal the evil and deceitfulness of the natural heart, while Ezek.36:26 gives us the way out; the Lord speaking though the Prophet says ““I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.” No doubt some mothers have the evil heart, deceitful heart and wicked heart. As the heart of the family may the Holy Spirit help us.
CONCLUSION
So far, x-raying the topic we have noted that the motherly role ordained by God is the basic role for mothers. Services in the Church and society are effective if and only if they begin at home. This role is not a profession but a vocation. To sustain a vocation in accordance to God’s will we need a life of prayer and so, mothers must not cease praying for themselves and their family. We equally noted the character and nature of mothers looking at the various types of wife. We intensify the need for a good mother and a better society. Therefore, just as the heart beats for the body to be alive, mothers must ceaselessly beat for their family to work. We must learn to beat spiritually, materially and emotionally to keep the home awake.
We must commend the effort of the Catholic women Organization for the unreserved and absolute efforts in supporting the Church and the larger society; it is hoped that they should fasten their belts and roll their sleeves for the future. The burden and need of mothers today is on the increase; your motherly roles never ends not even when the heart has stopped beating. And so, women –especially Catholic women must extend their motherly affection towards becoming authentic profilers, modest dressing, fervent life styles, humility and simplicity.
The Church is ever grateful for your numerous contributions and we thank God for your creating women to give a balance to our world. Pope John Paul II remarked “The Church gives thanks for all the manifestations of the feminine genius which have appeared in the course of history, in the midst of all peoples and nations; she gives thanks for all the charisms that the Holy Spirit distributes to women in the history of the People of God, for all the victories which she owes to their faith, hope, and charity: she gives thanks for all the fruits of feminine holiness” (Mulieris Dignitatem n. 31).
Finally, we continue to commend ourselves and our entire family to the maternal protection of the Blessed Virgin Mary especially in these present days where marriage and family life is facing serious attack. May She teach us to love one another and to do what is right always. May the fruit of this conference shower us all with abundant graces for salvation. Amen.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Francis; Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Lætitia , 2016.
Benedict XVI; Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Africae Munus, 2011.
John Paul II, Apostolic Letter Mulieris Dignitatem, 1988
Melissa Maleski; The Supreme Vocation of Women: According to St. John Paul II, 2020.
Edith Stein; Essays on Woman: The Collected Works of Edith Stein, vol. 2, 1996.
Clarissa W. Atkinson · The Oldest Vocation: Christian Motherhood in the Medieval West, 2019.
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